yuppy puppy

yuppy: a young, ambitious, and well-educated city-dweller who has a professional career and an affluent lifestyle.

yorkville: where the toronto yuppies dwell.

2004-2005: the year i, as well, dwelled in yorkville.

one cheerful winter morning, i left my condo on the hunt for saturday's globe and mail (or as my friend likes to dub it: the G n M) and a hearty cup of double double brew. i rounded one of yorkville's finest corners and immediately noticed that people in-passing were exhibiting facial expressions consisting of shock and somewhat (mild) disgust; many of these passer-byers even wore expressions of (bold) awe! Immediately i was intrigued: what was the root of everyone's explicit interest? it was a good thing i hadn't yet purchased my cup of brew because, in turning around, i almost fell over.

walking (or waddling) behind me was a female yuppy carrying her female puppy. normally, this situation wouldn't elicit such grave concern as people carry pocket dogs around all the time (either in Louis Vuitton bags or under fur-lined jacketed arms); but this scenario was vastly different; for two reasons. One, and most importantly, this was no pocket dog. it couldn't have been carried in either a LV bag or under an over-invested arm simply because it was at least the size of a medium-sized toddler. And two, because of its rather large size, this yuppy puppy was being carried in one of those 'front pouches' that mothers (or fathers) carry their babies in. let me re-emphasis this point: a pouch that parents carry their CHILDREN in.

the puppy was carried face-forward with its thick limbs sticking out at (rather) awkward angles from its torso. The head of the pup sat so high on the yuppy that it blocked her view of the street; she was forced to walk with her head slanted to one side. The bottom of the pup fell so far below the yuppy's hips that it made walking almost impossible; she was forced to adapt a rather cumbersome waddle. And for what? Last i checked dogs liked to be walked.

as i rudely stared, i couldn't help but notice the poor pup's expression: it was the look of a defeated soul who had lost all dignity as a respectful and contributing member of society. And if you were extra observant (which i was) you could even see all surrounding (walking) dogs subtly shaking their heads in disapproving unison. the yuppy puppy was a hit to the animal kingdom as a whole: 4 legs bad; no legs good.

the yuppy waddled past me as the stares and expressions of disgust (and awe!) spread like a domino effect down the street. she awkwardly rounded yorkville's next corner, no doubt, on her oblivious way to purchase sweaters, diapers and fudge at one of those yuppy puppy "pet" stores.

shaking my head, i decided i needed to 'accentuate' my intended double double brew; the past events called for an extra strong espresso. i opened saturday's G n M to the rental section and immediately started circling more dignified neighborhoods.